Not as often as I'd like...

I guess making at least 1 entry a week is a good start. Not near what I wanted.... but a good start. 

Before everything was tied together.

I made this a few weeks ago for my daughter. Soon after finishing I started making my brother a hat. A hat that I've yet to finish. To be fair, I'd be finished if I didn't take it apart because I didn't like how it fit. So, I still need to finish that project and I've had the time. Gosh, I can't even lie. This weekend, I've had plenty of time lying around in bed with Mia, since she's been sick. I just lack motivation. 

Where do I get motivation?! 

So that's where I'm at with that.... 

And I feel like that with so many aspects of my life. Just unmotivated and I'm not sure what happened.... 

The 1st time in years..

With a title like that, I feel like I should be talking about something sexual, fortunately for myself, I am not. I can't tell you, though, the last time I wrote or even wanted to write, for myself. I used to constantly have a pen in hand and my journal always within reach. I always had the best thoughts sitting on the stairs in the gym during PE while not participating. My "teenage angst" poured so easily and freely through the ink and into books that I lost last year when we moved. 

I'm not exactly sure when it was that I lost interest in so many things that I used to love, when I started to care what people thought, when it became easier for me to say 'yes' instead of 'no', when I stopped speaking my mind and when I lost my balls. What I do know is that I'm so very sick of no longer having my own interests, not knowing what I love (besides my husband and our beautiful daughter), and how to stop giving a shit of what people think and holding back how I feel in fear that I might hurt someone's feelings. 

The other night, as my brain went from one thought to another, it hit me that I missed it. I kept telling myself to get out of my warm comfy bed and get something to write my thoughts down. Though I don't remember them and I didn't write them down I do remember they were good. The next morning, I woke up and tried to think of everything that was running through my head. Things that I so desperately wanted to remember, but was too cold and lazy to get our of bed for. Decision immediately regretted. So, that it what lands me here. 

I hope to have words flow freely without having to sit and try to pull them from the grip of my brain. I hope that I can dig deep to find things that will make my soul smile. I hope this will help.